December 8th, 2009. One year ago, I met the most beautiful little boy. Graham Ryder Law. To be honest, it is difficult thinking back to the day he was born. I was so scared, and sometimes all I remember is being scared. I try not to let that overshadow some of the amazing moments I shared with my son that day. I got to hold him, which I had been told would not happen. But I also came to the harsh reality that day if anything were to happen to this baby, my life would be over. I know most new parents experience this, but oh it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was pure fear. I was terrified and I am still learning how to manage that fear.
Graham and our entire family were in the loving hands of Riley's Hospital for Children and Ronald McDonald House, two places that would become "home" for the next 94 days except for a brief stint between Christmas and New Year's. Day in and day out, our entire worlds hung on whether or not this child pooped or not, when the green stuff coming out of his stomach tube would run clear so he could eat, or if a certain cry meant hunger or pain. We waited as doctors made decisions, we expanded our vocabulary to include words like tachyphnea and omphalocele, and learned how to put in a feeding tube and change a sterile central line dressing. Our days lit up when Graham would open his eyes and focus in on his Daddy, when he started to smile amid all the tubes, and we'll all remember "the sneeze". Our days were dark when I witnessed my baby not being able to breathe, saw doctors shaking their heads and nurses cry. I dreaded taking him to the 2nd floor and kissing him good-bye as they took him surgery. We survived because someone would come visit and bring homecooked food. We'd receive an encouraging message from someone we loved, or I'd get a phone call from a friend when I really needed to hear her voice.
Grandpa coined the name "G-Man" in his blogs and it has stuck. Today we have a smiley, animated, curious little boy on our hands. He fought the good fight, I am so proud of my Graham. I think he inspired us all. He will certainly have a story to tell one day.
I know day after day, you all read as our lives were turned upside down. You rejoiced with us on our good days and wept with us on the bad. You are all much much more than our blog followers. You were a main source of support for our family throughout the turmoil of Graham's ordeal and for that, we celebrate with you as we mark his 1st year.
Pics to come...